It's painful to acknowledge that we need to dispel these myths after so much time has passed, and yet here you are beautifully tending to that important labor on behalf of our queer community. Thank you, Lasara. Your visibility is so essential for me, for so many of us.
And also, your glasses in that photo are kind of thrilling!!
Lasara, thank you SO much for writing about bisexuality and biphobia. This is a persistent issue that I'm frankly shocked is still so prevalent. I'm 57 and when I came out as bi in the last 1980s, it was quite isolating. Robyn Ochs had started organizing around bisexuality which was great, but I longed for acceptance from others in the queer community especially. I have two particularly painful memories I'll share here. My law school's queer student group voted on the bisexuality issue in the 90s and actually voted against inclusion...so I wasn't welcome there...and a girlfriend I had in the 2000s said to me directly, "Come on, Gail, everyone knows that bisexuality doesn't exist." I definitely thing there's been progress, but as recently as a few months ago, I've received some unfriendly reactions from lesbian friends to the fact that I'm currently with a nonbinary individual AMAB (assigned male at birth). Writing about it as you have is super important!
Thank you SO MUCH! Im bisexual, non-monogamous (but engaged to a heteroman) Im also a sex worker and by no means does that mean Im easy or attracted to everyone. On the contrary Im picky AF! I love identifying as queer as well. Thank you for shining light on us!!! 💖💖💖
Yessss! Sex Worker Pride!!! (Former Pro myself. ;) and I agree it makes us pickier of anything). Also non monogamous! We have a lot in common. Thanks for reading, commenting, and restacking! 💖
I just came out publicly as queer (fits me better than bisexual, though the term absolutely applies) on my Substack not that long ago. I have always felt like I "didn't have the right" because I have been in a long term monogamous marriage with a cisgendered man, but screw that. We count! <3 Thanks for writing this.
The human sexuality spectrum (if it can be called that) is wide, indeed. And it's wonderful to see how it's evolving, reflecting our collective understanding of our rich diversity. One thing that's encouriging is the newly-found freedom that the younger queer generations have found for self-identification. Queer folk are no longer bound by how others perceive us. Fuck pigeon holes. We create and evolve our own identities.
I mean, 100%! As long as the queer community grows to accept all who claim the title, I’m all for the range widening to infinity—which is a more true representation than anything else.
We're the werewolves of sexualities, as personified by Terry Pratchett's character Angua. "I can look like a wolf but I'm not one. I'm a werewolf! I'm not human, either. I'm a werewolf! Get it?"
I started liking girls as soon as I started liking guys. I grew up in the theatre (non-paid community theatre) which had alot of gay guys in it. I LOVED that! Some always would talk to me as if I REALLY didn't like girls but was just trying to be like my sister who was fully gay. The VERY sad thing is, that made me question myself growing up. I'd wonder if I was wrong and they were right. I grew up wanting to be a parent, etc. maybe that meant I was straight and should settle? I TRULY LOVED some girls though and always thought that the female body is beautiful. I honestly never thought that all areas of the male body was as beautiful but have never actually said that publicly. Growing up, I was told not to talk about that and that it would make those I wanted to date feel like they were less, etc. The fact is though that I always thought both were beautiful in their own way. I was like the female version of Bob Fosse; only I couldn't dance. I never felt that I was fully worthy of being part of that LGBTQ+ community because I liked both though. That was something my sister did NOT do. I came out to her first and she did not discourage me but also did not talk about it. My other family members just said that I was trying to be like her. The fact that she didn't talk to me about it always made me wonder if she thought that too. I can't say that I was always thinking about that growing up because I was very ill. That was in fact why I was in community theatre. Due to my health, it was illegal to leave me home alone but I eventually did grow to love theatre. Later on in life, I would deal with the issues you mention here. It was assumed that those who are bi-sexual are sex crazy and I would see that from how some people would treat me. Even if I was attracted to someone though, I had no interest in a sexual relationship with them. At a certain time in my life it was as if all sexual interest had gone! It's a good thing that didn't last forever! Still, I did have a Trans friend named Marcie who understood. She NEVER pushed me that way and I truly appreciated that! She went to get surgery though and I never heard from her again. :.( Others told me that she passed but nobody ever went into details there. :.( I made a video in memory of her that you can find at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8v-B7eyymY I miss my friend! Due to the many issues that I stand up for I always get technical issues that stop me from doing anything financially online. I don't fully understand that but I also don't let that stop me and never will. I truly believe in standing up for all of the issues I do and want to thank you for standing up for bi-sexuality.
I’m sorry you lost your friend. That’s heartbreaking. 💔 and also sorry your family never accepted and affirmed you. I hope you have a community who accepts and affirms you now.
Marcie was a sweetheart and I'll always miss her. My family did accept me to a point, I don't want to make people think that they didn't. They just assumed that I was trying to be like my sister. Plus, I think that my mother wanted me to be the straight one who would get married and have children. That way, she could have grandchildren but in REALITY, you can adopt, etc. I think that maybe it was just how she was raised. Shoot! My grandmother told me how I had good birthing hips when I was only 10/11yrs . As for right now...I know some from years ago but I mainly get support online, which isn't that much. Due to technology I usually can't get in touch with those I know....
My wife and I are bi. We are also in a monogamous marriage. We have both been married to men in the past. We don’t talk about it a lot to be honest. Great to bring this out into the open. 26 years together this month.
I sent you an email today. I applied for a job and was asking you for a favor related to that.
Really enjoyed your piece about bodybuilding. I have thought about that, but get anxious about having low blood sugar from a lot of exercise. Mostly I stick to walking and hiking. Almost 50 years now with type 1 diabetes.
I think i grew up in a time when it just wasn’t important to me at all to be one thing or another. It’s always seemed fluid to me, and the more fluid the more interesting!
For sure! I relate to that. The hardest part for me has been the gate keeping in the queer community though—and the, like, tests, as to whether I am queer enough to claim the identity.
It's painful to acknowledge that we need to dispel these myths after so much time has passed, and yet here you are beautifully tending to that important labor on behalf of our queer community. Thank you, Lasara. Your visibility is so essential for me, for so many of us.
And also, your glasses in that photo are kind of thrilling!!
Thank you, my friend! On all counts. 💖
Lasara, thank you SO much for writing about bisexuality and biphobia. This is a persistent issue that I'm frankly shocked is still so prevalent. I'm 57 and when I came out as bi in the last 1980s, it was quite isolating. Robyn Ochs had started organizing around bisexuality which was great, but I longed for acceptance from others in the queer community especially. I have two particularly painful memories I'll share here. My law school's queer student group voted on the bisexuality issue in the 90s and actually voted against inclusion...so I wasn't welcome there...and a girlfriend I had in the 2000s said to me directly, "Come on, Gail, everyone knows that bisexuality doesn't exist." I definitely thing there's been progress, but as recently as a few months ago, I've received some unfriendly reactions from lesbian friends to the fact that I'm currently with a nonbinary individual AMAB (assigned male at birth). Writing about it as you have is super important!
I hear you. The stigma is real. Thank you for reading and for commenting!
Thank you SO MUCH! Im bisexual, non-monogamous (but engaged to a heteroman) Im also a sex worker and by no means does that mean Im easy or attracted to everyone. On the contrary Im picky AF! I love identifying as queer as well. Thank you for shining light on us!!! 💖💖💖
Yessss! Sex Worker Pride!!! (Former Pro myself. ;) and I agree it makes us pickier of anything). Also non monogamous! We have a lot in common. Thanks for reading, commenting, and restacking! 💖
☂️
Ooohhh word! Loveeee it!! 💖💖💖
I just came out publicly as queer (fits me better than bisexual, though the term absolutely applies) on my Substack not that long ago. I have always felt like I "didn't have the right" because I have been in a long term monogamous marriage with a cisgendered man, but screw that. We count! <3 Thanks for writing this.
I generally identify as queer too! But bi is also accurate, as is pan.
Congrats on coming out! And yes, we count. 💜🩷💙
The human sexuality spectrum (if it can be called that) is wide, indeed. And it's wonderful to see how it's evolving, reflecting our collective understanding of our rich diversity. One thing that's encouriging is the newly-found freedom that the younger queer generations have found for self-identification. Queer folk are no longer bound by how others perceive us. Fuck pigeon holes. We create and evolve our own identities.
I mean, 100%! As long as the queer community grows to accept all who claim the title, I’m all for the range widening to infinity—which is a more true representation than anything else.
You got it!!!😊🏳️🌈
thank you for this! -from one misunderstood bisexual to another 🙏🏼
💜🩷💙
We're the werewolves of sexualities, as personified by Terry Pratchett's character Angua. "I can look like a wolf but I'm not one. I'm a werewolf! I'm not human, either. I'm a werewolf! Get it?"
Sadly, people don't always want to understand.
Truth.
I started liking girls as soon as I started liking guys. I grew up in the theatre (non-paid community theatre) which had alot of gay guys in it. I LOVED that! Some always would talk to me as if I REALLY didn't like girls but was just trying to be like my sister who was fully gay. The VERY sad thing is, that made me question myself growing up. I'd wonder if I was wrong and they were right. I grew up wanting to be a parent, etc. maybe that meant I was straight and should settle? I TRULY LOVED some girls though and always thought that the female body is beautiful. I honestly never thought that all areas of the male body was as beautiful but have never actually said that publicly. Growing up, I was told not to talk about that and that it would make those I wanted to date feel like they were less, etc. The fact is though that I always thought both were beautiful in their own way. I was like the female version of Bob Fosse; only I couldn't dance. I never felt that I was fully worthy of being part of that LGBTQ+ community because I liked both though. That was something my sister did NOT do. I came out to her first and she did not discourage me but also did not talk about it. My other family members just said that I was trying to be like her. The fact that she didn't talk to me about it always made me wonder if she thought that too. I can't say that I was always thinking about that growing up because I was very ill. That was in fact why I was in community theatre. Due to my health, it was illegal to leave me home alone but I eventually did grow to love theatre. Later on in life, I would deal with the issues you mention here. It was assumed that those who are bi-sexual are sex crazy and I would see that from how some people would treat me. Even if I was attracted to someone though, I had no interest in a sexual relationship with them. At a certain time in my life it was as if all sexual interest had gone! It's a good thing that didn't last forever! Still, I did have a Trans friend named Marcie who understood. She NEVER pushed me that way and I truly appreciated that! She went to get surgery though and I never heard from her again. :.( Others told me that she passed but nobody ever went into details there. :.( I made a video in memory of her that you can find at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8v-B7eyymY I miss my friend! Due to the many issues that I stand up for I always get technical issues that stop me from doing anything financially online. I don't fully understand that but I also don't let that stop me and never will. I truly believe in standing up for all of the issues I do and want to thank you for standing up for bi-sexuality.
I’m sorry you lost your friend. That’s heartbreaking. 💔 and also sorry your family never accepted and affirmed you. I hope you have a community who accepts and affirms you now.
Marcie was a sweetheart and I'll always miss her. My family did accept me to a point, I don't want to make people think that they didn't. They just assumed that I was trying to be like my sister. Plus, I think that my mother wanted me to be the straight one who would get married and have children. That way, she could have grandchildren but in REALITY, you can adopt, etc. I think that maybe it was just how she was raised. Shoot! My grandmother told me how I had good birthing hips when I was only 10/11yrs . As for right now...I know some from years ago but I mainly get support online, which isn't that much. Due to technology I usually can't get in touch with those I know....
My wife and I are bi. We are also in a monogamous marriage. We have both been married to men in the past. We don’t talk about it a lot to be honest. Great to bring this out into the open. 26 years together this month.
I sent you an email today. I applied for a job and was asking you for a favor related to that.
Really enjoyed your piece about bodybuilding. I have thought about that, but get anxious about having low blood sugar from a lot of exercise. Mostly I stick to walking and hiking. Almost 50 years now with type 1 diabetes.
Also, congrats on 26 years! That’s amazing.
Thank you for the comment, Mel! I appreciate all you bring to the table! And will look for that email.
Even though I've had relationships with men and women, and my husband was trans, it still took me a long time to realize I too belong on this stack!
Over the years I have also had to do a lot of claiming and reclaiming of my queer identity.
I think i grew up in a time when it just wasn’t important to me at all to be one thing or another. It’s always seemed fluid to me, and the more fluid the more interesting!
For sure! I relate to that. The hardest part for me has been the gate keeping in the queer community though—and the, like, tests, as to whether I am queer enough to claim the identity.
So funny! I like the newest take, that you don’t have to decide on anything. Keep em guessing!
I get that for sure.